This thought recently crossed my mind.
I married into a family and now have two fabulous sons, two daughters (in-law) a granddaughter and a grandson on the way however, I don’t actually have any children that I have grown myself.
Before contemplating settling down and making babies I was determined to get to know myself and see the world knowing all too well that a child is not just for Christmas. Once they arrive, your world and priorities change - as does your body.
I was also scared of losing myself. It’s a scientific fact that women experience pregnancy brain where neural pathways rewire themselves and all those hormones!
So here’s the thing. When I die is that it? Is that the end of the line? Who will tell my story and what will I leave behind of any memorable worth?
What will be my legacy?
The Nanny contraceptive
I longed for freedom and couldn’t wait to leave home and experience some of the world.
My best friend Ali Fleming had gotten a job as a nanny in Reigate through The Lady magazine in a gap year before starting her nursing training at St. Barts in London. Some friends of the people she worked for also needed help and I ended up being offered a six-month job as a live-in nanny for Doctors Andy and Penny Stanway.
Andy had a prestigious job as the doctor on Good Morning Britain on TV-AM - a UK TV morning show presented by Anne Diamond and Nick Owen. He was also a sexual marriage guidance counsellor and both he and Penny were published authors, known for the controversial The Joy of Sex and the best-selling Breast is Best. They had three children; Ben - three, Amy - seven and Susannah - nine.
The Stanways were a fabulous family and I really got to understand as a young eighteen-year-old the realities and huge responsibility of raising a family - from the outside looking in.
We had lots of fun, including building a huge spaceship (some things never change), drawing cartoons and running through fields singing The Sound of Music at the top of our lungs: the overall experience proved much more effective than any chemical contraception.
Children, I love them - but not yet for me thank you. Not for a very, very long time.
Emotional adoption
I had a boyfriend for a few years who had a young teenage daughter. I wanted us to be there for her and made every effort for them to connect and spend time together - something that hadn’t happened much before.
Sadly, when we split up, the visits to his daughter also fizzled out.
We lost touch when she emigrated with her mum. However, years later his daughter and I recently reconnected having become a young parent herself.
I can’t tell you how shocked, surprised and beautiful it was when she told me how much of an influence I had been on her as a teenager and that she loved and missed me - lots.
“Thank you for being someone of huge significance in my life, and only for the better!”
So, your legacy can be through the relationships you form for a certain moment in time.
Building a legacy
Legacy: Something handed down from an ancestor or a predecessor or from the past
Personal legacies are forged from ego, pursuit of excellence, work and/or children. Let’s explore!
It’s common knowledge that Alfred Nobel, born in Stockholm in 1833, invented dynamite and detonating caps, which sadly during the experimental process, involved accidentally blowing up his brother Emil and several other people to boot.
Over the years, he founded 90 factories and laboratories in more than 20 countries including Imperial Chemical Industries (ICI) in the UK.
When he died in 1896, he shocked everyone at the reading of his will, which stated that his fortune was to be used for prizes in Physics, Chemistry, Physiology or Medicine, Literature and Peace.
Alfred was very interested in social and peace-related issues, holding what were considered radical views at the time. He had a great interest in literature and wrote his own poetry and dramatic works.
The Nobel Prizes became an extension and a fulfillment of his lifetime interests and at that point, he changed the story of his legacy.
He will be remembered.
It’s just a name
In many countries the male surname is passed down from generation to generation, depicting the lineage, succession and status of the firstborn male. In others, such as India, it can depict a caste.
British and European aristocracy covet their family legacy and can trace their lineage back hundreds of years. They luxuriate in the daring doo of their forefathers. Their women tend not to enjoy such detail.
In many countries such as Spain and our adopted country of Portugal, the surnames of mothers and fathers are integrated.
At the age of 40, I felt the need for an energy reboot—a new direction— and decided to change my surname to one of my choosing as opposed to being given or inherited - in essence, I was going to marry myself.
After a year of deliberation, I chose Starlite - a perfect name as we are all made of stars.
The family tree
Of course, for us mere mortals there is some legacy in a family tree but specifics are lost as the generations go on. Both Simon’s and my family tree contain mysteries, caused usually by adoption and unplanned pregnancies and occasionally a blank name breaks the branch.
Genes
I don’t believe that you live on in your children. Their DNA may be part of you but when my parents died, they disappeared. They don’t inhabit my body. They made me, raised me and taught me so much - but I am not them and they are not me.
Fame
‘The ticking clock of mortality is loud in both our ears, and it sets us to work’ | Lin-Manuel Miranda, Hamilton
How important is what we leave behind? Should we even bother?
No matter how big your legacy is, it fades with time.
Take the case of legendary comedian Bob Hope - the most popular entertainer of the twentieth century.
Hope’s name is memorialized in schools, hospitals, theatres, chapels, performing arts centres and he even had an airport named after him.
Bob died in 2003 a couple of months after his 100th birthday and people say that his reputation was already fading, tarnished, or actively disparaged.
He had stuck around too long and didn’t carry the same weight any longer, hence Bob Hope Airport was recently officially renamed to ‘Hollywood Burbank Airport’ in order to attract more tourists.
“Bob Hope isn’t doing it, Commissioner Don Brown said to the LA Times. “The name of the airport — Bob Hope — is just not. We’ve been told by our travel agencies here and been told by the airlines that we’ve got to do something, and the name Bob Hope just doesn’t identify with this airport.”
How long will it take for John Lennon Airport to be renamed?
Even though the Kennedy Space Centre still retains its name, Cape Canaveral was only Cape Kennedy from 1963 to 1973. Of course, President Kennedy’s legacy is set deep in the American psyche but his light is gradually fading.
What about legendary musicians?
Back in 2016, Simon was invited to give a lecture on recording techniques at the Spanish campus of Berkeley University in Valencia. It was surreal to discover that some of the music students had never heard of The Beatles.
“Rock stars don't ever die, they only fade away” | Sting
Come to think of it, many Gen Zs have never heard of Neil Young. And so it goes on with so many artists that were known when they were alive and once they depart, so doth the light.
I checked out the number of monthly Spotify listeners for different artists from a range of ages:
Led Zeppelin - 17,435,181
AC/DC - 36,814,065
Neil Young - 7,524,991
David Bowie - 17,122,262
The Beatles - 36,517,276
Frank Sinatra - 17,828,054
Peggy Lee - 2,487, 158
Billy Eilish - 107,585, 885
Taylor Swift - 92,958,654
Only 17 million for David Bowie - what is that about? In our generation, he is revered as one of the greatest musicians of all time.
The question is does it matter? Is it ego that drives us to be immortalized—whatever that means?
“The most controversial thing I’ve ever done is to stick around,” | Madonna
Jimmy Page is doing his level best and currently has a huge collection of memorabilia, instruments and amplifiers for sale. He seems hell-bent on every guitar player in the world owning something with his name on it.
We do our bit with a couple of books and of course his most important achievement—the music. Zeppelin I-V, Physical Graffiti and even the underwhelming Presence regularly grace our turntable.
Simon and I are also eagerly anticipating the release of his signature bondage gear which allegedly he has a penchant for.
Sport and exploration
Human achievement through sport or exploration is a classic way to cement one’s legacy. Mountaineers, explorers and sportspeople throughout time have pitted themselves against the extremities of what is physically possible: Admunson, Bannister, Ali and Columbus are indelibly written into the history books.
Legacy media
“Old media, or legacy media are the mass media institutions that dominated prior to the Information Age; particularly print media, film studios, music studios, advertising agencies, radio broadcasting, and television.” | Wikipedia
Legacy media is usually a one-way communication system, sent from a centralised organisation to an anonymous mass audience. The reporters and authors are often lost in the mists of time, but their stories live on.
Prolific British music author Joel McIver, deemed ‘probably the top [rock] scribe in the world’ referred to a recent article he had written for The Guardian newspaper through a nostalgic framework of legacy:
“My obit for Paul Di'Anno in today's Guardian. I know the print vs digital battle was lost years ago, but there's still something very satisfying about being part of a physical artefact.”
Cancel Culture
When your work is printed physically, your legacy remains uncensored and intact. It’s printed - the job is done.
Winston Churchill—or was it his arch-enemy Hermann Göring— is said to have coined the phrase “History is written by the victors”.
I am in the middle of reading George Orwell’s 1984 at the moment. #SpoilerAlert - Winston’s—the main protagonist—job in the Records Department of the Ministry of Truth is to rewrite news articles to conform with the Party’s version of history they require to suit their current political narrative.
A chilling read and sounds more familiar every day.
Your legacy in the ‘information’ age is not as secure as you may like to think. One ‘wrong word’ or ‘opinion’ and your legacy can be boycotted, rewritten or even your career terminated.
Welcome to the culture of cancellation.
“Cancel culture: noun the attitudes within a community which call for or bring about the withdrawal of support from a public figure, such as cancellation of an acting role, a ban on playing an artist’s music, removal from social media, etc., usually in response to an accusation of a socially unacceptable action or comment.” | Macquarie Dictionary
When you look a little deeper, it seems that social media was instrumental in the development of ‘cancel culture’.
The band Chic sang about ‘cancelling’ love in the 80s - a concept which was part of the cultural language of ‘cancellation‘ within Black communities before being appropriated into white mainstream culture.
In my opinion, we should separate the art from the artist. FFS who doesn’t want to listen to Off the Wall by Michael Jackson (the second album I ever owned)
The fall of the statue
The one form of physical media that has suffered in recent times is that of statues of famous or influential people.
If your legacy becomes distasteful, unpopular or socially unacceptable, it won’t stand the test of time. The symbolic toppling of Saddam Hussein’s statue in Fidros Square during the US invasion of Iraq and the anti-racism demonstrations in the city of Bristol culminating in a statue of slave trader Edward Colston being toppled and dumped in Bristol Harbour are prime examples.
Philanthropic legacy
The Gates’ have rebranded themselves through the creation of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, diverting attention away from their historical legacy of making billions of dollars through their Microsoft empire to becoming philanthropic demi-gods fighting disease and poverty throughout the world.
Is it bad, no. Is ‘ego’ part of the reason for its creation - probably yes.
Artwork and architecture
There is a huge long-lasting legacy for people who are remembered through the things they have commissioned, designed and built.
The Egyptian Pharaoh Kufu for the Great Pyramid, Emperor Shah Jahān for the Taj Mahal in India, Antoni Gaudí for the Familia Sagrada, Sir Cristopher Wren for St. Paul’s Cathedral in London through to more modern-day wonders such as Frank Lloyd Wright’s Guggenheim Museum in New York.
Our good friend Christophe Egret of Studio Egret West worked alongside Will Alsop in the design of Peckham Library, winner of the Stirling Prize in 2000 and The Old Vinyl Factory alongside his creative partner David West to name a few of his fabulous designs which maintain the historical legacy of buildings whilst repurposing them in their unification for contemporary social inclusion. “Memorable spaces that lift the spirit.”
”As the home of His Master’s Voice and then EMI, Hayes had been the centre of the record-making universe. Our ambition was to celebrate the site’s extraordinary history and unlock the potential for a mixed-use neighbourhood with excellent transport links.” Studio Egret West
One of the most enduring legacies is through the creation of art.
The incredible polymath Leonardo da Vinci for the mystique of the Mona Lisa, Constable for his landscapes, Picasso and Salvador Dali for being, well themselves, Andy Warhol who has helped keep the legacy of Marilyn Monroe alive, Basquiat—now part of Dr Marten branded boot range—to Banksy repurposing public spaces and buildings as his canvas for social comment. All these artists are known and remembered for their creative vision and unique style.
What is your legacy?
Both Simon’s and my father died some time ago and there are now few people who remember them. In three or four generations, no one walking the earth would have met me in person. It’s so weird to contemplate that.
An archive
There is a lot of discussion now about the mind-boggling amount of information created every day and how to archive it.
Digital and physical formats come and go. Who in another 50 years will be able to play a Betamax or VHS tape; a MiniDisc or more niche professional recording formats such as PCM/U-matic or DAT. What happens to the billions of images and videos hanging around in the nebulous digital cloud?
The Internet Archive is heroically trying to save snapshots of historic free texts, movies, software, music and websites—a monumental task.
In 10,000 years it is likely—if we haven’t blown each other to pieces—that little will be left of the human race’s short time creating stuff.
In 100,000 years, ice sheets may again have scoured our planet of all traces of our existence or we may come a cropper by getting in the way of a huge asteroid smashing into our planet - it happened before 66 million years ago and polished off the dinosaurs.
According to Professor Brian Cox, we are living in what he considers a ‘peaceful era’ of the universe, which is more often than not - a violent space.
There are 350 billion galaxies in our observable universe, which is possibly part of an infinite number of universes. Our place in it is insignificant. But, there’s also the other thread—that, from a biological perspective, life might be rare, and intelligent life might be very rare. And these two things are pulling at each other. So there might be an answer in the quote by Carl Sagan “For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.” | Professor Brian Cox
So, why bother doing anything?
Creatives want to articulate the human experience through their chosen form. It may only last for a second, a minute, 100 or 1000 years. But surely if we can bring joy to one human being it’s worth it.
Carpe Diem
Many people spend their lives raising children as their lasting legacy that will continue the family genes ad infinitum.
Alternatively, we may end up nuking the planet in our dumb, foolish human stupidity and then there will be nothing and no reason to remember.
So what is my legacy as a woman without biological children?
I’ve started to think that perhaps there is no value in even thinking about the concept of legacy but to live life to the full and spend my time coins as wisely as possible; to dare to experience life in all its magnificent glory while I still breathe. Life is enriched through friends, family, the people I meet and the books I read.
Therein lies the magic. Living the moment.
We all live in different worlds on the same planet and it has been a fabulous experience living in Europe these past ten years, experiencing life through the lens of different cultures.
Whether it be through music, performance, artwork, video, cookery or photography we express the life and world we live in and share stories in the hope we can all feel connected.
Through the practice of creativity and imagination, our multimedia project STARLITE.ONE helps peel back that misty veil and reveals the world to me in ways I have never experienced before and in doing so helps me understand more of myself and the world we live in.
The joy of life is in living. My legacy? I don’t know.
What do you think?
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41593-024-01741-0
Great read darling.
Excellent article Suzy. Living in the moment is the KEY to everything. None of the rest matters. Looking forward to seeing you guys sometime soon 😘